A Roman festival with food, gifts, prolonged partying and a sacrifice to the god Saturn? That’s interesting, sure, but let’s forget the gods, reinvent this shindig and make it about the planet itself. — Nine times wider than Earth, but density low enough to float in the largest imaginable bathtub. A day in just under 11 hours and a year at 29.4 of Earth’s. Over 140 moons in orbit, some large, others small. AND THOSE RINGS! Made of fragments of comets, asteroids, and broken moons from afar – all held together by your undeniable gravity. Or is it just a wish to be near you, dear Saturn? Eight rings in total, D-C-B-<insert Cassini Division here>-A-F-G-E—Phoebe (last, not forgotten). Let’s meet at the Cassini Division (between B and A), measuring 2,920 miles wide; room enough to dance and swirl among your magnificent rings while swilling brews with soft amber hues matching your light yellow shades. Or, at home, we’ll get a big telescope to gaze upon you from afar. In small groups we’ll discuss our favorite features, such as that impressive magnetosphere (mmm, dat ass) – 578 times more powerful than Earth’s. Or that spectacular hexagonal storm in the north with constantly swirling 200-mile-per-hour winds. Behold, such intensity! Matched only by our immeasurable gratitude for your place in this solar system and, after enough drink and loving discussion, your unwavering orbit around our hearts.