Mind Letting

letting the mind ooze – as it is and as it will be

Author: Gregory

  • Coach tells you to run and he runs with you!

    I had a coach, a teacher, a mentor who inspired us to run hard and fast, to read and appreciate language, and to write clearly and concisely. He showed us how to fully be ourselves, as only each of us could, with his heartfelt and authentic way of being. He was there with us every step of the way, often literally, as he’d join us on many of our cross country training runs.

    Words fail at expressing what you meant to me, just as my legs and lungs were never quite able to carry me as quickly as I hoped. That hurdle just past halfway around the track at sectionals pulled me down, but you showed me how to carry on and finish what I started despite disappointment.

    Your death, too, pulls me down. Loss is hard, but we went through much together and I’m grateful for it all — those many miles, books, and countless laughs along the way!

    I’ll carry on in your honor as well as I can. All we can do is keep running, reading, writing, and being there for the people in our lives as you were there for us.

    Next time I go running, you’ll be there with me, Coach. So many grateful miles ahead still, let’s go! Maybe we’ll grab a beer milkshake together when we’re done.

    “If a man ordered a beer milkshake, he thought, he’d better do it in a town where he wasn’t known. But then, a man with a beard, ordering a beer milkshake in a town where he wasn’t known—they might call the police.”

    ― John Steinbeck, Cannery Row

  • Lost Wisdom – If We Knew… (Mount Eerie)

    We would not be so scared of losing hair and slowing down
    if we knew that our hearts are not aging.
    Our little hearts are born already ancient.

    1. speak truth into the wind

      To speak truth into the wind with consequence,
      find a precipice with a harrowing drop.
      Collect your thoughts; choose clear, concise speech.
      Mind the approach; carefully watch your step.
      Craggled edge, the view reaches out for you—
      OH, FUCK!
      My truth, my last words.
      fa-
      fall-
      falling…
      Into the wind with my entire being.
      What is the matter,
      this whole life?
      Sky so blue.
      Rocks,
      zoom into view.

    2. A McDonald’s Drive-Thru, Friday Morning

      I pull up slowly, cautiously, looking at the speaker in the midst of the sprawling menu. Waiting…

      “Welcome to McDonald’s, what great mystery can I unravel for you today?”

      Shocked, I fail to respond right away. I only look ahead into the swirling void for a couple beats.

      Why should I be surprised by what I see or hear anymore? Since getting up this morning, things have been unusual. You ever wake suddenly with a jolt as if you fell into reality from some other realm? I did today, but my awakening was especially jarring. I came to on the floor after falling out of bed. From where my fall began, I am still uncertain.

      Then, in the shower, why did the water smell strongly of onions? And more about the water – even though it was hot as I could tolerate, there was no steam. Grabbing the bar of soap, I immediately heard muffled screaming when I started to lather. I figured it was the kids next door torturing each other as they readied for school, despite the screams seeming to come from the soap itself.

      Perhaps I should’ve gone back to bed after the shower.

      However, responsibilities were front-of-mind and I’ve got several these days. It took me longer to get out the door than normal and I got into my car craving the typical Friday fast-food breakfast fix. So on the way to work, I drove to McDonald’s first in the midst of an especially aggressive morning fog.

      And yes, looking off into the distance now at the drive-thru, thinking about what to order and unexpectedly of life’s mysteries at the same time, I feel off balance. I must’ve misheard the woman behind the speaker, right? She wants my breakfast order, not thoughts on the unknowable.

      Do I go with the usual or get crazy and break the norm? Looking ahead, thinking, I hope not to take an awkwardly long pause before responding. I notice again that, ever so slightly, near the horizon light is slowly bending and twisting into a dark spot I can barely perceive.

      Hurriedly, I shout, “EGG MCMUFFIN WITH ORANGE JUICE AND A COFFEE, PLEASE!”

      Unexpectedly, she responds, “Would you like fries with that?”

      Okay, what fresh hell is this!?, I’m thinking. Everybody knows you can’t get fries until breakfast ends and it’s only 7:33 in the AM. Reality has surely taken a savage turn this morning.

      But I’m a fry guy and I want those fries, damn it! After all, today is Fryday, so from deep within my nearly overwhelming mind haze I order the large fries despite fears I’m crossing a line into a strange place from which I might not return.

      “Please pull ahead to the first window”, I hear, slightly rattled but eager to have fries with an Egg McMuffin for the first time in my life.

      A few seconds later, at the window ready to pay, I see an older man, who looks vaguely familiar, coming forward.

      “I see you opted for the large order of our French fries. Interesting choice, despite the undeniable fact that no amount of fat and salt, however perfectly paired with sliced and fried potato, will ultimately soothe the unbearable pain inherent in this life. Your choice to consume joy, bite by bite, while everything around and within us gradually crumbles to dust is notable.”

      That measured way of speaking and the German accent. The piercing eyes and dishearteningly calm look on his time-worn face. This is undoubtedly Werner Herzog.

      The day’s early and peculiar daze has all but completely engulfed me, yet turning back from the fries I’m due is not an option. I shall persevere. The drive-thru only moves in one direction – straight ahead, impending doom be damned! I pay absentmindedly and without acknowledgment of the true cost of being here in this unprecedented moment.

      I take the food from Mr. Herzog as he says, “Enjoy or do not enjoy your breakfast; it matters little in the end.”

      I thank him, pull away, and turn onto the street. The spiraling darkness on the horizon is growing in intensity, both in its light-swallowing capacity and rotational frequency.

      The fries, sitting in the bag between my legs, are hot and perfectly salted.

    3. Hope and Foreboding in This Cold Intermingling

      Whether this
      is what we hoped for, or deserve,
      this is what we have.

      Whether this
      leads to the sublime, a disaster,
      or something unimagined,
      this is where we are.

      Branches above dusted by snow
      and roots below frozen in soil,
      unconditionally held in (s)now.

      Somewhere in their midst,
      here we lie,
      pretending and often wishing
      to be apart from all this.

      There will be no separation,
      from any of this —

      We are between.

    4. Saturnalia

      A Roman festival with food, gifts, prolonged partying and a sacrifice to the god Saturn? That’s interesting, sure, but let’s forget the gods, reinvent this shindig and make it about the planet itself. — Nine times wider than Earth, but density low enough to float in the largest imaginable bathtub. A day in just under 11 hours and a year at 29.4 of Earth’s. Over 140 moons in orbit, some large, others small. AND THOSE RINGS! Made of fragments of comets, asteroids, and broken moons from afar – all held together by your undeniable gravity. Or is it just a wish to be near you, dear Saturn? Eight rings in total, D-C-B-<insert Cassini Division here>-A-F-G-E—Phoebe (last, not forgotten). Let’s meet at the Cassini Division (between B and A), measuring 2,920 miles wide; room enough to dance and swirl among your magnificent rings while swilling brews with soft amber hues matching your light yellow shades. Or, at home, we’ll get a big telescope to gaze upon you from afar. In small groups we’ll discuss our favorite features, such as that impressive magnetosphere (mmm, dat ass) – 578 times more powerful than Earth’s. Or that spectacular hexagonal storm in the north with constantly swirling 200-mile-per-hour winds. Behold, such intensity! Matched only by our immeasurable gratitude for your place in this solar system and, after enough drink and loving discussion, your unwavering orbit around our hearts.

    5. David Bowie – The Man Who Sold The World

      This is a perfect song and they did a fantastic job putting together the lyric video. I’m gobsmacked by it this morning.

    6. The Lone Penguin Heading Towards Certain Death

      from Werner Herzog’s film Encounters at the End of the World

    7. Dinnertime Slang

      daughter rambling about low-key, high-key this and that
      while I bring the noise in the key of bees, a tired old
      pugilist throwing punches in the air, nothing there!
      carrying on about made-up words and nonsense noise,
      but in the end it all falls short, teenage slang or not—
      even to say, “I love you”; it could be a lifetime
      to know how far that goes, and another lifetime to
      trust what is quiet and unspeakable between us.

      …

      My daughter is 13-years-old. The verses in the poem have 13 syllables each. I love her dearly, slang and all.